“Talk, communicate, express, seek help.”
- Deepika Padukone
Last Saturday night my home was in music mode all thanks to Party with Paragon’s virtual party to raise money for Mental Health UK. With some brilliant DJs playing they were able to raise an amazing amount of over £9,000 for mental health UK; all in the aim to encourage awareness of mental health and increase people talking about mental health. And then after that Saturday night we woke up Sunday morning to hear the shocking sad news of Bollywood actor Sushant Singh Rajput’s death which sparked a lot of attention on mental health in India.
Talking about mental health in the Indian community, as well as many other South Asian communities, is not an easy talk. And it is something that this community is struggling to understand the seriousness or struggling to deal with the fact that it is happening. Reality is that the support isn’t there, the knowledge and awareness isn’t there, the listening isn’t there and the impartiality isn’t there – a lot of things aren’t there to help someone with mental health to have the confidence to speak out to their families.
There is this stigma that it is a ‘generational thing’ and that it will pass. And this is what fails our Indian community at all levels. We have this image that we have to live up to, this expectation that the community has made us obey, regardless of what we want or what we feel or what we think. There is this unnecessary pressure to perform to the world but what if we want and feel different from that expectation?
Mental health is a real thing; it is here and happening and above all it can be and it is serious and killing . The Indian community are very quick to say that ‘it is all in your mind’ or ‘it is all in your head’ or ‘you will get over it’ or ‘you are not the only one, everyone has problems.’ And yes everyone does have problems, but if you can be that person to hear that cry for help then be that help for that person. No matter how small or big the cry for help, someone’s mental health could be a step away from survival with the change of acceptance in this community. You could be that person who let’s that someone open up and speak their hidden away thoughts. And this could be the way we change this community, maybe?
From my previous experience I have found that the older Indian generation associate depression as the only form of mental health. Their answer to a lot of things is that ‘they are depressed’ or ‘they will become depressed.’ And maybe that person is depressed but as well there are other mental health disorders that could be causing certain people to behave in certain ways. It’s the lack of acknowledgement or maybe it's ignorance that causes this barrier of support for our generation and generations to come.
People with anxiety, bipolar disorder, postnatal depression, PTSD, psychosis, self-harm or paranoia are still to this day in this community seen as to have something wrong with them and that is because the lack of knowledge on knowing that there are other mental health disorders that are not only depression. The suppression, the brush-it-off, the in-denial, the taboo is dangerous and what is even more dangerous is the lack of confidence we have to speak about these real life realities. There are people who struggle to speak up because they are overshadowed by the dangerous people of ‘me, myself and I’ and this can be a huge challenge for those silent voices.
It’s funny because sometimes you will hear the oldies chit-chat non-stop about their physical pains; how this hurts and that hurts but they don’t recognise that physical health is just as equal as mental health, right? Either they don’t want to listen or you are shut down with a typical response of ‘I have the same too.’ How is anyone meant to open up to someone that shuts them down or turns it into about themselves?
We all manage and deal with our emotions in our own ways; some tougher whilst some lighter but it could be one person’s entire life that you could change by not ignoring the signs; by stepping out of your bubble and stepping into their bubble and listening because that is all what someone might need to make them feel a little better.
And it’s this ‘me, myself and I’ behaviour that has left a lot of people feeling that it is best to stay silent. We create this pressure in our minds of not wanting to let family or people down; we don’t want to upset anyone but what about thinking about the people that have let us down? Why don’t we speak about our feelings and voice our thoughts? Maybe we don’t know where to start or what to even say but even giving someone that time to try and start opening up is more than anything nowadays, don’t you think?
I was watching series one of Four More Shots Please! an Amazon Prime original,and one of the girls out of the four set of friends is a Punjabi girl called Umang who moved from Punjab to Mumbai in escape of her family because she is a lesbian. There is a scene where her brother says that girls who are ‘lesbian’ have a ‘mental illness’ and it is then that Umang stands in front of her family a tells them that she is lesbian. But it made me think that how before Umang said she was lesbian her family were openly talking about it being a mental illness until she confessed that it was then it became something her family disregarded totally.
We even saw Bollywood take mental health into the focus in the film called Dear Zindagi (Dear Life). I thoroughly enjoyed this refreshing film because it pushed barriers and showed that seeking counselling, which is seen as a taboo in the Indian community, is important. To open up and talk about what you feel, about the uncomfortable things, about your fears and thoughts without being judged are so important. And this will break the stigma around talking about mental health. We saw Deepika Padukone openly speak about her depression and what we have to recognise is that mental health can happen to anyone; no matter how rich, famous or deprived you are – it can happen to anyone.
Mental health is not an illness, it is not a weakness, it is not madness and it is not shameful. Our minds can be dangerous but with a supportive network we can control it. I speak from experience with saying that a supportive network is core when it comes to mental health. Speak, and if that one person doesn’t listen, then don’t let that shut you down; go to someone else because there will be someone who will hear you. And if someone comes to you but struggles to speak at that point, don’t ignore it; reach back out to them.
We need to make mental health in the Indian community a normalised conversation. We need to build a strong supportive network in the community and within our families. We need to acknowledge that mental health exists. We need to understand, educate and teach our community and families. We need to treat people how we want to be treated. And we need to remember that together we can fight mental health no matter who, where, when and how big or small. Our thoughts, feelings and voice matters – don’t let anyone tell you different.
Also I wanted to share the video below from the World Health Organization because it was an eye-opening watch for me and it might be for you too?
