“Don’t wait for everything to be perfect before you decide to enjoy your life.”
Who has a vision of what their perfect life would look like? Who works on something to say ‘yes it’s perfect.’ Who achieves things yet still doesn’t feel that it is enough for them? Who is often finding themselves striving for more and more because they can’t let themselves settle for what feels just comfortable? There is this illusion of ‘perfect’ which we use as our motivation to better ourselves but is this illusion just creating dissatisfaction for us no matter how much we accomplish? We see this future vision of ‘once I am there I will be happy’ but once we get there are we really happy?
I have heard so many times that ‘Bhav (myself) likes things to be perfect’ or ‘Bhav is a perfectionist’ and many other ways to say Bhav and perfectionist go together. And as I grew up I slowly realised that this vision of ‘perfection’ I had actually was just an obsession. An obsession to have everything planned, ordered, arranged, placed, set, organised and all the other words that describe ways to create perfection.
I would find that if things were not in that ‘specific order’ then it would niggle me and it would be a niggle that only I would to see and feel. And yes I have been told by many that I have OCD (and I most probably do!) but the whole thing comes down to me seeing things in a certain way that I consider as ‘perfect.’
And as the years went on I realised that this perfection, or obsession for perfection, was all wrapped around in my mindset whilst life is plotting its own games for me. I had a plan – the famous life plan. At that age I would graduate, I would get my fabulous high-earning job, a flash car, an immaculate big house, a wonderful marriage and then the beautiful family that comes along at that dedicated age in the ‘life plan’ – very rarely do I tell people about this plan but there is it, it’s out there!
This plan was created on the vision of a perfect Punjabi girl’s life – a culture that openly exercises pressure to be perfect. This is how I learnt what a perfect successful life should look like. But then life took control of my plan, changed it up totally. And it was then I realised this obsession of seeing the future me, whilst being in the present me, took away the ‘living in the moment’ for me in my life.
The perfection vision creates expectations. The chase for something that isn’t really concrete, isn’t in our control and isn’t perfect. And in all that, my accomplishments became something I recognised and forgot very quickly no matter how hard I worked for them because I was on to ‘what is next?’ The constant what is next, ways to better myself even more has fully entertained this illusion of perfection. Reality is whatever we see as perfect today will no longer be something perfect tomorrow because we can’t help but push for more.
So what really is perfect? And where does it stop?
I recently read a brilliant book by Mark Manson called The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*** and the sentence below stuck out for me when thinking about accepting the bland truths of life:
‘The constant pressure to be something amazing, to be the next big thing, will be lifted off your back’
Once we learn to accept the bland truths of life.
And that is it, isn’t it? The vision of the future you, the perfect you and the successful you creates this pressure – an expectation. But truth is that the superficial big visions aren’t so big once you get them. Once we accept that the bland, let’s say ordinary, truths of life are just as great as the superficial big visions we then realise that the ‘perfect’ pressure was meaningless and pointless.
We can then look back and realise that maybe it was the smaller visions that were valuable. The perfect that we vision is created by others, a culture, a world and maybe that is why we feel often something is missing and keep going for more because we need to meet the external expectations.
The illusion creates this obsession of what’s happening next, the creation of a methodically plan of ‘if I do this I can get there’ – the want to be in control. But we end up either holding ourselves back or going back and forth because we ourselves don’t know where or when our perfect future actually is accomplished. Because where does it stop?
My life plan very quickly changed – life got the upper hand over my life plan and threw in an unexpected accident that changed everything. One thing I learnt after is that there is no such thing as perfect (and definitely no perfect life plan!). I revamped my vision and created one that needs small realistic steps from me. A vision of acceptance – acceptance of what I want for my life and a true vision that isn’t culturally imbedded.
I learnt that if I be true to yourself and true to what I want, true to who I am and respect my value then my vision (without perfect) will fall into place without my mindset creating unfulfilling hopes. It is just as important to focus on your progression, on how far you have got and your accomplishments more often than fixating yourself on how far you have left to go or how many next steps you’ve got left. Having appreciation, realisation for what really matters, seeing the small things and prioritising truth is the way to let go of trying to make the perfect vision and start to move into a vision of acceptance.
